he was CRYING into my vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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