based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
