jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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