Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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