Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
