You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
