I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
