I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
