I cockslap morals
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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