fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
