My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Every concussion has its silver lining
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Randomize
