My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize