last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
