so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
