happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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