I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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