I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
