she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
