3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
