Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
