she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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