...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
