She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
