Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
