i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You're like the curious george of whores
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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