drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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