Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
