there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
