Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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