plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
