I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
