my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
