I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
