i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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