Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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