I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
