i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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