I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
