You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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