My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
