dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
