That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
