She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
