Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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