I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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