i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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