also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
