I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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