my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
