Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
