she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
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On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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