I wish I only lived at night.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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