you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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