it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
