This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
