dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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