So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
