oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
