They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
