i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best revenge is premature balding
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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