how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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