I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
