i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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