Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
