we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
