just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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