I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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