she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
