she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
