Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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