the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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