If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
