It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
