I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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