Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
