So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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