My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I could fuck to npr.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
