I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
