Your tits are I can't wait for
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
